Faithless

In the spirit of transparency, I feel it's important to open my heart and pray it helps someone.

You may recall I had a heart attack on October 4, 2022 – the doctors told my daughters it was a miracle I survived. After trying different meds, my cardiologist strongly recommended another heart catheterization to see why my heart seemed unstable and unresponsive to treatment. During the procedure, I suffered a stroke which left me partially blind and struggling with balance. We learned from the procedure that I have a genetic condition called hypertrophic obstructive cardiomyopathy (HOCM), something I've likely had most of my life since I can recall signs of problems as far back as I can remember.

My cardiologist referred me to Cleveland Clinic since they have a team of doctors who specialize in HOCM (they're ranked #1 worldwide for treating this condition).

My first visit included more tests and bloodwork; the doctor told me then I had a choice: Septal Myectomy or try a newly approved drug (Mavacamten / Camzyos) that has been successfully treating many HOCM patients. I opted for the drug since I realized my age was against me although it came with some serious risks.

After taking Mavacamten for several months, we realized I wasn't having the anticipated success many others had. After seeking a second opinion, it was decided that surgery was my only option.

In the meantime, they discovered more problems that will need to be addressed during surgery to remove the thickness to allow my heart to work properly. Mitral valve repair or replacement. Two bypasses. MAZE procedure to prevent clots leading to more strokes. Surgery is scheduled for September 12th.

As you can imagine, I've been on an emotional roller coaster for the past few weeks. The ups and downs have taken a toll on me. I'm fine and then I'm not fine. I miss my faith family so much. I miss serving my church and the mission field in India. I miss my life! So much has changed.

So much for transparency ... back to the topic of faithlessness. I was reading 2 Timothy this morning and something stood out to me ... even when I feel faithless, God remains faithful.

If we have died with him, we will also live with him;
if we endure, we will also reign with him; 
if we deny him, he also will deny us; 
if we are faithless, he remains faithful— 
for he cannot deny himself. (2 Tim 2:11-13)

Paul sent this as part of a letter to his spiritual son, Timothy, encouraging him to continue to endure everything for the sake of Christ. Yet, Paul understood the challenge of remaining faithful in facing persecution and/or death. As strong believers that Paul and Timothy were, Paul felt it necessary to include this encouragement to Timothy.

Interestingly, Paul included in his admonition to Timothy a warning about denying Christ. I don't believe he feared that Timothy would deny Him but he was creating a contrast between having his faith challenged and the denial of Christ by those mentioned in his letter. In other words, we may have our faith shaken but that's not denial. And, although our faith can be shaken or weakened by circumstances, God Himself remains faithful to fulfill His promises.

Confession: My faith has been shaken and yet I know that God is faithful. No matter what the next few weeks bring, I will remember what Paul wrote:

But I am not ashamed, for I know whom I have believed, and I am convinced that he is able to guard until that day what has been entrusted to me. (2 Tim 1:12)

The gifts and callings that have been entrusted to us are guarded by God Himself. We may feel useless and faithless at times, but our Kingdom purpose is guarded and protected as God leads and guides us through whatever life difficulties we may encounter. He is our strength. He is everything we need.

I could use your prayer ... my family could use prayer as well. Aside from my health, our family has experienced some very difficult circumstances within the past couple of weeks. Faith has been shaken but God remains faithful. I'm just thankful that these challenges to our faith will not stop God's faithfulness to us. We will walk through the days ahead together, through trials and hardships, through every circumstance knowing that when we are weak, He remains strong! Amen!